I cannot find my penis.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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