We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
