i just had sex bonerless
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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