im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
