Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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