Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
