I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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