He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
