Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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