Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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