like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
