the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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