ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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