I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize