no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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