You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.