We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
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I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.