If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.