my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
