the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.