why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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