the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
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No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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