yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
