I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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