The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
