so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
