Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
