I didn't shave. On purpose
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
