my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
