i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
