Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
