You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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