The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
