She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
