If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
