So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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