I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
