Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
