Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
