Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
