cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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