I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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