so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He kissed a someone with a penis
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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