So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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