im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
