I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
