so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I cut my penus on the lid.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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