i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
