He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
