WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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