I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
