hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
