is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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