I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
