Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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