i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
