and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize