Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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