oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
