She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Life is so much better after having sex.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
3 2 1 whiskey
Enjoy the penises
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
