well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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