you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
