nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
