my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
