I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
