If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
