The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
