I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
