put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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