i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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