I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
