Can i not drive my cunt home
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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