So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
no you cant smoke seaweed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
