I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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