Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
