I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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