hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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