I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
