Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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