also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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