After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
